30 Days In th Desert chapter one

          My eyes are awake before they ever open. First thing I notice is that I am lying in a soft bed.  I Haven't slept in a bed in weeks but knowing that I am in one now makes my stomach drop. My eyes open and search for the clock in the dark, hoping to see midnight or one am. Hell, even five am, at least that would give me one more precious hour with my family. Finally coming into focus however I can clearly make out he red lights telling me the alarm will go off in two minutes. The breath leaves my lungs and I can barley find he strength to refill them.

          Curled up next to me like mini heater is my four year old son. My pregnant wife is sleeping on a small pad on the floor. The pad had been my place for the last few weeks ever since we moved in with her parents. They have a guest room for us but the bed in it can barely fit an adult and a child so I had been choosing the floor to save my wife's back the pain. However, knowing that this would be my last chance to spend with my son as well as my last chance to sleep in a bed for the next month, my wife Amy wanted me to sleep in the bed .

          As I reach over to turn off the alarm before it has a chance to go off, I look down and see Amy looking up at me. Neither of us at this point can even manage a smile, we just stare for a moment. Both of us trying to read the others face for any sign of lost resolve. Her wanting to know I will be safe, me hoping she has the strength in her to go through the next 30 days alone. Finally she smiles and I am strong again, reminded of all of things she has forgiven me for and with that I am able to finally roll out of bed.

          The two of us work together in silence to get dressed and ready to go. Eventually I get Tyler up and dress him . He is too sleepy to talk and can barely sit up as I slide a long sleeve shirt over his head. Once he is fully dressed I give his hair a tussle. "What do you want to eat buddy" I ask. "Pbj" he manages to mumble as he slides off the bed and heads out to join his mother in the kitchen, already making their lunch for the day. None for me though, i honestly have no idea when my next meal will even be.

          I decide to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for me as well and take the first bite without thinking. As soon as the taste hits my tongue I'm  hit with an immediate sense of regret. I look at Amy and she can  barely keep from laughing. Sheriff Joe Arpio is notorious for serving his inmates peanut butter sandwiches and hours before his deputies take me into custody at court to serve a thirty day sentence in the notorious tent City jail I made the decision to have my last meal as a free man be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I finally break down and start laughing causing Amy to do the same. Soon Tyler is laughing along with us pretending he gets the joke and for a single moment every thing feels normal.

          "At least I'll get work furlough  in a couple days and I'll be able to get something real to eat" I say as I lean in to kiss Amy on her cheek. She kisses me back.  "Just make sure you be careful and make it back out to me" she responds as we linger in each others arms for a moment. Then suddenly we are out of time and wrangling Tyler out the door to the car.

          The car is an old blue station wagon that had been beaten to hell long before we got our hands on it. Not that long ago I drove a 2008 Mitsubishi Lancer GTS, my baby. The only car I ever loved. Amy had the soccer mom crossover SUV, a birthday present a couple of years ago, and she couldn't have been happier. After I got laid off however we started to fall behind. At the same time Amy hurt her back and had to take leave from her job and the only money we had coming in was the two hundred and fourteen dollars a week from unemployment which wasn't even enough to pay rent. Then I got the first DUI.

          I wish I could give you details about it but I was black out drunk. Luckily nobody else was in the car with me. also lucky that the three passengers in the van that I hit got away without a scratch, at least that's what I was told. I never met them face to face but my public defender said they we're fine. He also said he could get me off with just six days in jail and he meant it too.

          With a DUI and a hit and run on my record the only job I could talk my way into was seasonally selling sausage at the mall. Let's just say it didn't  pay to much but it was something.  It wasn't enough though. Soon everything we owned of value was sold or pawned, including out wedding rings. We spent our nights with the lights off while repo men knocked on our doors looking for the cars we we're hiding in the garage. Eventually they we're able to get the soccer mom SUV and I all but hand delivered my babies keys when I got my second DUI. Suddenly my public defender wasn't so sure he could get me the six days.

          The lucky timing of my paycheck along with Amy's first check after getting back to work got us a six hundred dollar oxidized blue station wagon with detached headlights, leaking oil, a dying transmission and a random overheating problem.  The kids thought it was cool though. My step daughter Jessica loved the backwards facing rear seat and both kids loved how we let them pick out some Christmas decals from the dollar store and go crazy decorating the car.

          At the beginning of the year my mall job ended. Eventually  we had to abandon our house, find homes for our dogs, and take the few things we had left and move in with the only family that would have us.  Amy's parents we're great and I was glad she would be somewhere safe while I wasn't with her. She was also able to find find a second job  being a nanny during the week and I was able to get a job slinging breakfast for barely above minimum wage so hopefully we would be able to get an apartment soon after I got out so we wouldn't be in their way for long.

          Her parents house was in Maricopa City which is roughly forty miles outside of Phoenix. A real pleasant drive unless you are constantly checking the temperature gauge of your junker car for it to spike. We travel in silence broken intermittently by Amy asking me if I forgot something. “Did you remember the quarters?” I show her the ten dollar roll. “Yup”. “How about your bus pass?” I nod my head as I take out my wallet to double check. The single day bus pass is not hard to find in my wallet since there is only three things in it in total.  The bus pass, my state ID card, and a bank card for an account with no money in it. I hadn't really looked at my wallet since I had cleaned it out and it strikes me how pathetic it looks. It used to be packed with credit cards, store discount cards, business cards, random receipts, pictures, and of course cash. Now it looks deflated and sad. There are only three cards and they can all fit into one of the several pockets since they were all previously stretched out. I will have to be searched when I am taken into custody and then every time I reenter tent city after my furlough leaves so  I wanted to clear everything out to make it simple. Plus all of the credit cards, cash and business cards were completely useless or non existent now.

          Half way through our trip we get off the isolated highway that leads to Maricop City and merge onto the I-10 freeway that will take us into the heart of  Phoenix. As we start to pass  a wide array of businesses I start to subconsciously make a list of new places to apply at. I have spent the last 3 weeks that I was unemployed doing little other than riding the bus in circles and applying at anyplace that I could think of. Only bite I had gotten was from a breakfast and lunch diner as a short order cook making only a dollar over minimum wage. I used to run multiple restaurants just like it making three times that amount. Before my DUI's I had interviewed for several similar or even better positions and on two occasions actually received fantastic offers both of which evaporated once they knew I would be going away to serve an at that point undetermined amount of time in jail only to get out with no valid drivers license as well as the hassle of probation. I was happy to be currently employed but I needed to keep my eye out for something better.  The baby will be due in five months and I can't even currently support the mouths I do have.

          The entire trip seems to pass in a blink while I am drifting off thinking about my current job status and I soon find that we are exiting the freeway two blocks away from the Maricopa County superior court house. For the first time I can feel my heart rate rise noticeably and my anxiety kicks in.  That sudden feeling when you find yourself  next to get on a ride at the carnival. Now, more than ever, I want to do anything I can to avoid having to go through this but I cannot waiver.  Amy must sense my fear, or maybe it is her own, because her hand finds mine as it rests on my knee.

          She navigates through the one way streets to get to the courthouse and I realize that she is not going near any of the parking spots. I quickly pull out my phone and check the time.  The traffic must have been worse than usual because it is close to eight and she only has a few minutes to get to her nanny job so she plans to drop me off in front of the courthouse. There are no real parking spots there so I am going to have to jump out quickly before the early morning downtown traffic backs up behind her. I had gone over the entire list of problems I might run into this morning and did everything I could to minimize or avoid all of them, but it somehow never occurred to me that I might not have a chance to say a real goodbye to Amy and Tyler.

          No time to panic however as Amy pulls up to the courthouse curb. Franticly, we stare at each other for a moment before I reach out and put my hand on her stomach, feeling the outline of the baby. My other hand quickly goes behind her neck as I pull her in for one last kiss.  As I pull back I can feel her grip on my shirt refusing to let go. I giver he my best confident smile. “Two days” I say.

          “I love you” she replies.  “I love you too babe” is the only thing I have time to say before I can hear the first angry horn coming from behind us. I toss my phone into my day bag that has everything I will need when I get out on leave, and I jump out of the car, shutting the door behind be while opening the back door.  I give Tyler a firm hug and tell him that I love him as well. He smiles and says “have fun camping dad!” I have enough time to lean out and shut the door before the car behind us lays heavy on the horn again. Weakly I wave good bye at Amy and as I see her pull away I get a glimpse of her wiping away her tears.

          The car that was behind us with the very functional horn pulls up slowly as the very large, mean looking driver yells some sort of curse at me. I smile back at him and flip him off. I am unfairly angry at him for cutting my good bye so short and a smile and the bird are something that I feel will sufficiently drive him up the wall.  Normally I wouldn't want to antagonize someone but what the hell. I mean what is he going to do, get out and pound the crap out of me in front of Joe Arpio's office? Of course he drives off, although infinitely more infuriated at this point, and I turn to find myself at the bottom of the steps leading up to the courthouse.